I love to read books, because I am fascinated with words and stories about life. However, I must hate to finish them, because that rarely happens. But recently I came across a book on my shelf (who knows where it came from) that I have not been able to put down during my short intervals of relaxation time. It is titled
Paths of Life, written
by Swiss psychoanalyst/author Alice Miller and its format uses an exchange of letters written between two people throughout seven different, hypothetical scenarios. These exchanges all have in common the exploration of the numerous ways in which our families and the emotions and events of our childhood form the person we grow into, whether we recognize it or not.
Because each story is relatively short, I have already gotten so much out of her book and would like to share some of the ideas she explores with.
I learned that science has proven the cardinal importance that frequent stroking and massaging has for the development of an infant's brain and their acceptance of this new world they are suddenly a part of. This makes much sense because children born into a hostile and/or unprepared family environment often turn out to be very reclusive and unable to accept the harsh realities and/or love in life. It also discusses how if children aren't asked about their feelings, asked to share them, or shown direct love and affection, then they often never learn to do these things as an adult, therefor struggle with interaction with others.
This theory of the importance of affection and communication during childhood is further supported by a notion discussed in the first scenario in the book. One of the characters talks about when hardened criminals and murders in prison are given group therapy and asked to talk about their childhood, many are able to cry for the first time because someone has finally, genuinely asked to hear them out and genuinely listen to them. Only now are they able to understand why they did something they never wanted to do, and they learn this while realizing that the repression of their feelings growing up ultimately held them captive to positive interaction with society.
I guess I could go on and on about why I believe (and science proves) that learning about love and practicing communication is so important as a child, but most people seem to be aware of that already. I just think that many people don't incorporate that knowledge into their daily lives and interactions with their children. Another reason why babies having babies is a scary reality these days. How is someone who barely knows how to articulate their feelings and show affection (as most teenagers do not) supposed to teach a child to? Man, now I'm just thinking about wanting to talk to teenagers all around this country about the dangers of teenage pregnancy (some have done a great job and I applaud those, but they are not the majority) but instead I want to end this blog with an email response that my mother sent to me today that made me cry after reading it because it was just so precious and sweet, as she is!
This email really sums up the encouragement to you readers to be a loving person, parent and partner; to be a good listener and lover, to be inspiring and caring because it REALLY DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!! My mother has always been wonderfully positive and she certainly showed me the same light!
In response to my apologies to not calling my mother back yesterday and a brief update on my days as a diabetic mentor and working a lot, she wrote this scatter-brained, yet lovely email:
smart to not use phone w/o earpieces...if those kids only knew you-for sure you would be an inspiration-so glad you are able to spread your enthusiasm and share your experience. glad to hear what you've been up to-off and on big rain today-weird sunshine in between cloud bursts! that will be fun to update r & D wedding site-going this weekend to Solvang to meet with all the outrageously priced/but certainly talented vendors....Jani I guess will be down in your neck of the woods-maybe hooking up with her? Busy is good-so much better than the alternative at your age and your zest for life-accomplishments are pride worthy!! Miss you-so grateful for the 10 months you were here and involved in our daily lives but happy that you are aggressively pursuing a desire, dream, goal. Call it what you may but it involves making sacrifices, keeping a strong sense of self confidence, and an having attitude that is humble, open minded, and definitely persistent. Luck never hurts either!! Love you sweetheart.
