Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you always imagined- Thoreau

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Kerman/Long Beach, Cali Bebe
I generally have interesting days and always an interesting outlook, so as a writer with just a resume...here goes everything...

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I'm working on creating my life. This is the beginning of the conscious tip because life is not about finding yourself, but creating yourself.

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Monday, January 25, 2010

Infatuated

It's a funny thing when you suddenly realize something about yourself that you dislike.

I have come to notice that I often base decisions off of pure infatuation.
Sometimes it very superficial; like when I go shopping I'll buy a dress that fits my body very well, but I don't even like the pattern. In turn, I never wear the thing and end up giving it away to a friend with bad taste (haha, just for comedic purposes I wrote that).

Other times I'll find one small detail about I man that I like and become so involved in him, even though I know we'll never work out. I once had a four month tryst (that led to lots of drama) with a co-worker because I thought his butt looked so nice in his work pants. He was a weirdo, talked so soft that you could never hear what he said and we had only one comment interest (pff pff give) but my obsession over his body in that uniform made me decide that I "liked" the guy.

So, after realizing that I am starting a bad habit of "infatuatious decision-making" (my word, i made it up thank you) all over again, I declare to end it now. Or at least I'm taking the necessary steps...
I will no longer put myself in debt because of infatuation, pretend to be someone I'm not because of infatuation or get involved with a man because I'm infatuated with a part of his body.
Unless that part...well I'll just say I may get involved but innocently enough to withhold the infatuation. ;)
Thanks for listening. Peace

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Love yourself!!

Try to make yourself as happy as possible, it will then be easier for others to make you happy.
1/24/2010


I believe that whenever you have a problem with somebody you care about you need to first understand the root of the issue. You have to break it down and ask yourself "why is this bothering me so much?" Is it out of jealousy, insecurity, or perhaps a personal frustration? I have found that one of the three could often be the case, thus the problem ultimately lies within. Changing the perspective of the problem can really help eliminate it, because changing your mind is much easier then changing another's. 


Not that this is an easy accomplishment, but sometimes it is absolutely necessary. And we all know this life ain't easy! Trying to incorporate yourself in the problem won't always fix it. For example, getting upset that a friend is always flaking out on plans can't be solved unless they stop flaking, but your hurt feelings can be once you stop relying on that person. You have to literally convince yourself that it is not worth it to get upset and sorta move in a different direction. Don't set yourself up for a probability of disappointment, set yourself up for success.


Also...
Always be mindful that you control your attitude, however, your attitude will affect others and you should use this to your advantage i.e.BLOG IT! Positivity is powerful and can be proven when you take the negative words out of your vocabulary and replace them with their opposite. Your whole outlook will change in a forward direction.


Okay?
Peace and Love pretty butterflies. 
mollymoll


"You can't love no one til you love you, cause when you do find someone to love you'll know what to do." -Murphy Lee

Sunday, January 17, 2010

The Beat Down got down!


I walked into the Revue Café in Tower District and glanced around with excitement because somehow Fresno got creatively cool.

Not to discredit the arts of the city, but I left Kerman (a neighboring town 15 miles south of Tower District) as an 18-year-old in 2001 and moved to Southern California where poetry readings and pleasant murals align every other block.

 Since getting into the arts in my early twenties, I hadn’t taken the time to explore Fresno’s during my short holiday visits over the years, but since moving back I did some research with hopes of discovering that the 5th largest populated city in the state would have some inspiring entertainment to offer.

I goggled “Fresno Arts” and was directed to the www.fresnoarts.net site. Within that site I found The Beat Down Competitive Poetry Slam and within the dark red walls of the Revue Café, I found my inspiration. Fresno does have poetic talent and there is a perfect venue for it.

The Beat Down gets up every second Thursday of each month inside the theatre portion of Revue Café. With a few rows of movie theatre seating, along with traditional café table and chairs, the event could not find a more appropriate setting.

The color scheme has character and the ambience is artistic. The dimly lit room uses professional stage lighting, retro movie posters like “King Kong” and “The New Adventures of Tarzan” align the walls and adorable lamps appearing straight from the set design of a Roger Rocka’s 1950’s theme production center around a roomy stage with two microphones.

The hosts are just as appropriate as the scene. Bryan Medina & Joe Osejo are a very funny duo with a great repertoire as they easily get the crowd excited and engaged. Medina has conquered the question “Are you ready for the next poet?” as the audience always responds, “You know it!”

There are 10 competitors, with a $5 pay-in fee ($3 for non-participants) and two rounds, each judged by 5 randomly chosen audience members. 10 being the highest and 50 for a perfect score, the r judges have a particularly difficult task on a good night.

Attending the first show of the year, Janurary 14th’s lineup blew me away. Love kicked off the topics and was covered a few times, reverting me back to my last relationship with a smile and overall joy.

A gentleman named Scurvy who co-hosts a relating event called the INNEREAR poetry jam boisterously bantered back and forth with word play of life saying “That television will steal your vision,” adding that he is “Just as paranoid as I need to be,” as he graciously surpassed the 3-minute time limit with “The Bright Side of Total Doom.”

Last’s month champion David Campos stole the stage presence with energy and ease with his humorous adolescent memory poem, but the twenty-something-year-old poetic piece of government property named Ben Woody delivered the best piece of political perspective my ears have ever heard. 

A man of war, he could not have expressed his disapproval of America’s current stage of combat any more eloquently or sincere. It was fabulous and the judges, hosts and viewers all agreed with loud applause and a perfect score.

You will have to come out to next month’s show to judge for yourselves because really, this event is not to be slept on. You can gain a new perspective, entertain your ears and help keep the energy of Fresno’s arts up and at it. Make sure to come out to February 11th  event, same place same time same fun.

Revue Café
620 E Olive Ave
Fresno, California 93728
(559) 499-1844

Thursday, January 14, 2010

A new quote from me

You should continually be living consciously...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Transforming a negative is this simple...

Honestly, I know that I am a very easy-going person. I certainly have opinions and voice them, but I think I save myself energy by not taking life too seriously.
Sooooooooooo, when I interact with those "serious" types, the kind of people who rarely share a smile and enjoy being bitter they usually first make me boggled, second giggle and lastly make me appreciate me so much because they make me HAPPY to be ME.
Now, does this mean these "serious" folks are necessary to society so people like me can appreciate ourselves? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Go away, sail the ship of loneliness and just go away Mr. Manager!! I can appreciate myself just as well when a customer I serve tells me how much they enjoyed my service rather than you giving me the giggles over how pathetic you are because you made a rude comment regarding my skills.
So there, you haven't gotten to me but gave me perspective. However, I must say it. Doug Zink, you're a sad, sad asshole.

SO, that's my daily detail:How to turn a negative into a personal positive!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Am i easily tickled or do u relate?

Good Evening.
Isn't it amazing how good it feels to have a productive day; one which you make many check marks on the list of to-do's! How come it is so hard for me to have more of these?
Oh yes, that's it...i forgot how much I love to sleep...how I look forward to two hours of free lazy time after I get off work....the fact that I am so damn forgetful and absent-minded with my errands. Sometimes, it'll take me three trips to the mall to finally return a dress. I'll accidently leave it at home, forget the receipt, or even go to the mall with both necessities but running late and not have enough time to return the dress AND buy some shoes for that night ;)

ANYWAY, I'm going to try to find some small details of each day that remind me of why I enjoy life or even why I enjoy myself. Today's was a mental glimpse of childhood deriving from straight imaginary randomness.

I was at work, scooping ice into a bucket from a huge ice maker and I had a flashback of one of my favorites cartoons, Ducktails, and Uncle Scrooge's money pit he often swam in. The cubes reminded me of the gold coins he jumped into and how much i loved the gold-swimming segment of nearly every episode. A huge smile lit my face and for a slight second I was six-years-old again and watching the cartoon with my great friend Lyndsie.
I looooovvvvvvveeeeeee flashbacks that make me smile. I hope I can have more of these brief requiem's of happiness.

Am i easily tickled or do u relate?

Monday, January 11, 2010

Lilia, my love

If you've never met her, you're missing out. She is endearing, always interested and a very morally grounded person. When I'm having a bad day, she is always the first person I reach out to and always quick on the response. I called her the first time I had an intense dispute with a loved one and have called her many times since, always changing my perspective and opening my eyes. I love her for her heart and soul and I think she deserves a major shout out!!

Lil-you are a beautiful Leo...keep shining girl....major love!!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

The morning mood (great)

I went to sleep feeling alone and woke up complete. As I mentioned in  my last blog....the dualities of my character.
 Anyhow, I survived Day One of my two weeks of sobriety....job searched online...whitened my teeth, getting ready to go to the gym before work, had a very enlightening conversation with my very bright grandmother, discussed my business plan schedule with my  mother and I am going to church in the morning.
ahhh.....the greatness of mental devotion.
bless you and yours...

The Dualities of my Character

I am so inspired to find a career that fits me as well as these size 8 Gucci boots----but I lack the motivation.
I like him so much-but fuck love.
I say that now-but love to be in love
All the while, when creating my dream world, I'm a environmentalist/vegetarian/nudist living in Brasil who  writes a sex column about how amazing her sex life is-with her husband.
I am a city girl at heart, but have a passion for the country's dirt
However, I grew up in the country and moved to the city. Get it, the irony?
Half of my friends think I'm the sweetest thing alive and the rest think I'm a comedian with a sharp tongue
I'm clumsy, rough and colorful yet I'm neat, sensitive and extremely pale (right now)

By the looks of it...I'm going to live a life full of chaos, indecisiveness and uniqueness all blended together to create......mollymarina.

Friday, January 8, 2010

not feeling...well....

For as good as the morning began...ain't good now. I     FEEL     LIKE    I NEEEEEED TO CHANNNNNNGE.
Can i please remember this tomorrow? Because I sho will today...forced to by pain.
The drinking is not good enough for me to love.
The sex, yes, very very good for me to love, but the bottle just needs to leave my life.
Who's coming with me?

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Those lovely days....

Since the first day I drove around Long Beach back in 2001, I knew this gem of a city would one day be a place I consider home. Although I was raised in a fruitful environment with the best degrees of family and friends possible, I have always seen the world from a much larger lens and came to realize I am meant to live in that greater fish bowl full of colors and the unknown, preferably one near  the sea at that ;)

So, to impulsively depart my lovely beach city and return back to a different kind of natural beauty, full of agriculture and valley sunsets, family functions and home cooked meals, I prepared myself for many moments of missed memories of Long Beach.

They occur allll the time. On beautiful days in Kerman and on ugly, foggy, rainy ones. I miss liquor stores, coffee shops to take my laptop to, my favorite lounges and especially The Prospector, the dark and random bar located approximately one block from my most beloved apartment ever. I miss the diversity, the accessibility of nearly everything around the corner, and certainly the Pacific. The first day I got to Long Beach this trip, I drove directly to my favorite grassy knoll on Ocean Blvd and Cherry Ave and just starred. Took it all in, like I hadn't seen home in months and it had only been two.

So now on my last day here, before I return back to Kerman to work to make money, work out to slim up and work on myself to reach these many goals of mine, I am very certain that this city embodies what I love about life. The fact that (as humans) we cannot help but connect with specific people, places and things that are completely meant to be....that is so exciting to me. I was destined to choose Long Beach State as my university and perfectly placed to fall in love with it and all my friends here (and those that has since moved) that have continuously assisted in helping me create me.
I'm not complete yet....but the arrows are pointing towards greatness and I'm in charge of the aim. Thank you SoCal for helping me realize the life is love and I'll always live here.